Day five in Panama

Today was a day that I hope to always remember. A day of coincidences? I think not. A day of miracles and the power of God. A miracle happened today that literally made me lost for words. Joshua was the name of the boy that brought tears to my eyes. God used Joshua to show me that God, without question, is at work here in Panama. This morning we woke up at 8, the usual. We had breakfast, made our lunch, and had our morning devotional which I led this morning. I decided to go with the popcorn idea because it was closely related to all of what we were feeling at this point in the trip. The more we get to know these students, the more we have a longing in our hearts for them to know Jesus. We come to know their situations and can see exactly how Jesus’ would fit into their lives. I get anxious and want that over night change. I want to see the reward. I want the student to come in the next day and say “I get it! I want to live for Jesus, I love him.” I get anxious, as I know the other team members do. So Phil 4:6 was a great reminder and encouragement this morning as we went out to teach. We get to the school and immediately more students were coming in to sign up for English lessons. Sarah, who has been in charge of dividing up everyone’s schedule, gave me 10 students and everyone else 7 students. I fought with myself because I was upset that I had so many more. It takes so much energy and I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t even out the schedule. My days are going to be long. I felt myself getting frustrated and asked God to help me with this negative mentality. It was a struggle for me. I should be thankful that I have so many students to bless. I kept God very near to me today to make sure that I kept the right focus. So, my first reader, Kimberly, was at 10, but she didn’t end up showing up til around 10:45, just 15 minutes before the lesson was over. She had to study more for her final that was that afternoon. I guess students in Panama are the same as students in the US. We procrastinate and have to cut into other plans to cram more studying in, so I understood. Unfortunately that meant that I only had 15 minutes with her today, but 15 minutes is still enough to leave an impact and start a relationship. When Kimberly left, another one of my students that was scheduled for the day walked in and said that they weren’t going to make it today. I was very bummed, but understood. So in came my next student, Joshua. Joshua is in 8^th grade and is 13 years old. If you look past the mouth full of metal (braces), you will notice that Joshua has the biggest, most beautiful smile ever seen. So right when Joshua walked in, my face lit up. For school procedures, we must fill out an informational form for the student. We take down their name, telephone number, email, prior knowledge of English, family information, and so on. I asked for his name and he stumbled for a bit on his last name. He ended up giving me 2 last names because he did not know which one to use. He told me one was his mom’s and one was his dad’s. Instead of asking more, I said ok and left it at that. I could see that a struggle was going on in his head, but I was going to wait for him to feel comfortable to tell me about it. When I asked for family information, he said, “I live with my mother.” And we left it at that. Next we began the lesson. The word scared came up in the story and I asked him what he was scared about. Joshua willingly told me that he is scared of witches. Later to find out that he meant bad spirits or demons capturing him in the night. We talked about God being his protector. He says that he talks to God and knows that God keeps him safe. It was a very moving conversation for the both of us. Joshua is easy to talk to because he took English classes in a private school for 7 years. He is almost fluent. He explained to me how excited he was about having a new cousin and is going to bring pictures for me to see next Tuesday when he returns for his next lesson. Well time flew by, and it was time for him to go. I asked Joshua, “Is there anything else before you leave?” He said, “Yes, there is.” He began telling me a story about his brother who was a musician. We began talking about his brother and soon moved on to his family situation. For confidentiality, I will keep the dramatic story to myself. These things going on in his life were things that I honestly could have never imagined and hope that no one has to experience these things. I felt like crying, but I showed no signs of it. It was then that I realized that God was moving. If my other student had not cancelled on me, which I was first bummed about, I would not have had the time to be a listening ear for Joshua. Joshua says that he and his mother wake up every morning at 4am and pray to God about his family situation. He says that he loves God very much and knows that God hears him when he cries. After all of the many gruesome details of his life, he looked down at his lap. He then looked up at me and said, “I have never told any of this to anyone. You are the first.” When he said that, my eyes watered up and he could see that I felt his hurt and really cared for him. I told him, while trying with everything I had to hold back my tears from flowing, “I will be praying for you and your family every night. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing. We know that God is in control.” We talked for a little longer and Joshua was out the door. I ran into where Sarah was sitting and just sat. Still. No emotion on my face, reflecting on all of the things he had told me. I thought, I should have invited him to church on Sunday. This was my only opportunity. He did not have a phone number, so I had no way of contacting him. Next Sunday I will be gone. I was overwhelmed and was wishing so badly that I had thought to invite him when he was here. I ran out the door and went all around the school looking for him. Joshua was no where. I slowly walked back with a heavy heart. I sat back down and started to share with Sarah how I was feeling. Not even a minute later, in walks Joshua through the door. He says…”I have your pen. I took it on accident.” Joshua had my pen. He came back because he had my pen. Something so small. God brought him back to me so that I could invite him to church. So that I could see his face again. I stood up and said “JOSHUA! I was looking for you!” Then I was completely lost for words. I stood there uttering sounds. I could not think of a word to say. I looked back and forth from Sarah to him several times and Sarah finally said, “Jaclyn, invite him to church.” I said, “Oh. Right.” And continued on with a full breath. Joshua was very excited. He returned my pen and walked out the door. Sarah and I were completely lost for words. We sat in silence for many moments. The power of the pen? No, that was the power of the living God. I said, “I must never lose this pen. This pen is a reminder to me of God’s living power.” We wrote Joshua’s name on the pen and I safely tucked it away. Joshua made an imprint on my heart. This day is a day to remember. I had a few more students that day, one of which was Joy (the boy). This was his second time. I will always remember about Joy of how he says, “Ees ok! Ees ok” (its ok) after everytime he understands a new word or concept. It can make me smile, even after the longest, most emotional day. When Joy left, we had a few hours to kill at the school, while we waiting for our second run of students to come in. I brought my lap top so that we could pop in a movie for a bit. What did Sarah bring? A walk to remember. The saddest movie. I thought to myself, “Oh boy I can’t watch this after the things that just happened with Joshua. I’ll be a mess.” But I did anyway, and I was ok. We made it home with barely enough time to eat and be ready for our night students from 6-8. We saw some people we knew on the street while we were driving, so we stopped to say hello. My conversational Spanish is getting better. We made it home and I was exhausted. Only 6 hours of sleep last night because Sarah and I stayed up til 2am talking. And I had a day that really took every ounce of my energy. I ate in about 10 minutes, and there Christopher came knocking at the door. Christopher and I had yet another great lesson tonight. He is growing and understanding more about Jesus everyday. He is beginning to understand that Jesus is someone that you can talk to and not just read about. Its neat to be able to witness this process of understanding. I think the lightbulb is slowly coming on. Christian came next and we got to talking about communion. I asked him why he eats the bread and drinks the wine. He said I don’t know, it’s just what we do at the church. So I said, “Can I tell you why I take communion?” So I got out my Bible and showed him what Jesus said about it at the last Passover meal. Jesus’ words made perfect sense to Christian and he said that now communion will mean so much more to him next time. Today was a day full of miracles, tears, and laughter. Today I laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants. Maybe that’s because I was holding it all day because I didn’t want to use their bathrooms. But I laughed a real laugh today as I took 10 pictures of Taylor with her reader, none of which she could keep her eyes open for. She was trying so hard. We tried every strategy and finally on the 11^th picture, got one with her eyes open! Now it is time to lay down for some sleep. Today has been a beautiful day that I will always remember. Duerma bien. Buenas noches la familia que adoro. (Sleep well. Goodnight family that I love.)